I have two papers due Sunday. I also have a couple of other assignments that I need to do online, but they won't take that long. So, I grab myself a drink, set up my laptop and pull out my books. My kids are in their rooms being quiet. Life is good
Jell - MOM!!!!
Little One - HAHAHAHAHA OUCH MOM!!!!!
About this time the cat comes flying into the kitchen all fluffed up and pissed about something. She jumps on the table and my drink spills everywhere. Thank God I had time to rescue the laptop before any damage was done. Textbooks are highly over rated. Who cares if they get a little wet. They will dry right?
At this point the kids are screaming and trying to kill each other. I go to separate them and end up about stepping on Izzy, the iguana, who is supposed to be in Little One's room. I step over her and go tell Little One to go and get Izzy before someone steps on her. He very logically told me that no one was going to step on her because we were the only ones home and were all in the same room. Any other child this would be being a smart ass. With Asperger's Syndrome, he thinks very literally and was simply stating a fact.
So at this point my daughter is still pissed. She is doing that pre-teen screech thing that drives me insane. Little One is laughing. The dog is probably in the kitchen licking up the mess the cat made. She is a Boston Terrier and has serious gas issues. Seriously. It's horrible. I should make Little One let her sleep in his room as a punishment.
Apparently, according to Little One, he took Izzy into Jell's room to show her something new Izzy could do. According to Jell, he took Izzy into her room hidden in his shirt, climbed up on her bed to watch tv with her and then put Izzy on her head. When she flipped out and flung whatever was on her head off, Izzy landed on the cat, which sent the cat freaked out and into the kitchen to spill my drink. When I asked Little One what "trick" it was that Izzy could do that he had to surprise his sister with he told me "she can fly!" That WAS being a smart ass.
From the living room I hear "STOP!" "WHAT THE HELL" "DAMN IT" followed by laughing in every member of my families voice. Casper, my African Grey thought that it was hilarious that the kids were in trouble. He has a vocabulary of about a hundred words and will pretty much ask for what ever he wants. The extent of his curse words are damn it, hell, and the occasional dumb ass. I called my husband a dumb ass ONE time after he walked out the door to work and Casper referred to him as that for months afterward. Of course every time he would say it he would crack up in my husband's voice. Needless to say he did NOT find it amusing.
So this whole story took place in about two minutes. Took a lot longer to write it down. I was so frustrated with the kids I told them that if they couldn't behave I was going to lock them in a closet. I wouldn't actually lock them in a closet, it just sounded good.
Actually it sounded really good. So I decided to lock myself in the closet instead. My house is a small 3 bedroom and with two kids and the zoo we have it there just isn't any space that I could set up to be my work space. I decided that I was going to turn my master bedroom closet into an office. Thankfully we are jeans and t-shirt people and I was able to move most of our clothes into the dresser. The closet isn't very big, but it is big enough that I was able to drag a small table and chair in there. I am even able to close the door! I'm pretty sure that it is would be bad to lock my kids in the closet, but hey, I kinda like it myself!
A man died last night.
A man died last night. I didn’t even try to save him. On our way to visit grandma, we were right behind a 5 car pile up. A man was thrown from his car and he was face down in the middle of the road. There were 9 people surrounding him. Not one of them bent down to even so much as take his pulse. My husband refused to let me out of the car to go and help. He didn’t want to risk my safety and that I wouldn’t be able to do anything anyway. I don’t have a medical degree. I took a simple first aid and CPR class, and I watch a lot of discovery health. I know how to preform CPR and how to put pressure on a wound to slow the bleeding. I know how to comfort a dying man and at least show the slightest bit of compassion. So, while it’s true that I don’t know much, I do know something. What people saw was a young black man, on the outskirts of a not so nice neighborhood. What I saw was someone’s son. It took the EMS workers ELEVEN minutes to get to the scene. ELEVEN minutes. So, that man died. Someone’s son died last night, and we failed him. The EMS workers failed him. The witnesses that just stood there staring at him failed him. I failed him. I am deeply saddened.
Casper is not happy with my grocery choices
Me – Want a banana?
Casper – No (in my husband's voice) Want a peach? (in my voice)
Me – Want an apple?
Casper – No. Want a peach. (in my husbands you're getting on my nerves voice) – notice the period at the end of his request for a peach instead of the question mark the first time.
Me – We don't have any peaches.
Casper – has a long conversation that goes back and forth between my voice and my husbands, talking very fast and mumbling so that I can't fully understand him.
Casper – FINE – (in my 12 year old daughters “I'm pissed at you” voice.)
Casper – Want a cookie? (oh crap. I didn't buy him peanut butter crackers which he calls cookies)
Me – We don't have any cookies Casper.
He walks over to the grocery bag on the table that he hasn't thoroughly searched yet and sees that there are cookies that he can't have because they are chocolate.
Casper – WHAT THE HELL!!! Can you see the pissed off look he is giving me?
I think I am bribing the bird too often now that I am trying to work on school papers. There are days that I am struggling to keep my head above water and just overwhelmed with the world and he can make me laugh when no one else could. I love him. I ended up convincing him that he would enjoy a spoon with peanut butter on it dipped in parakeet seed. He actually seemed to really like it.
An ADD Mom Day
I forgot to take my medication this morning. The medication that is supposed to make me remember to take my medication.
I decide to clean the litter box.
I can’t find the garbage bags.
I look for them under the bathroom cabinet (don’t ask) and find the blow dryer that I had been looking for for weeks. My husband must have been helping me to clean up.
Everyone knows that a hair dryer belongs on the floor under the night stand in my bedroom! So off to the bedroom I go to put my blow dryer back on the floor under the night stand where it is supposed to go. Yeah, I know, I should just leave it where it would go if we were a "normal" family, but it is just easier to continue my absurd system.
While I am down there I see the remote that I lost last week. I go to find the broom to dig out the remote and can’t find that either.
I decide that the broom is probably under the couch, (once again, don’t ask) After moving the couch, I don’t find the broom but I do find the dustpan. I go outside to ask my children if they have seen the broom. They say that they haven’t.
I saw the newspaper at the end of the driveway and decided to bring that in the house. Being Wednesday, the new grocery ads are in the paper. I sit down with my coupons and grocery ads to make my grocery list.
I go to get dressed to go out and realize that the clothes I want to wear are all in the washer....still.....since Monday I think....it could have been Sunday. So once again I start the washer. I think this is only the second time they have had to be washed, but then agin....it might be the third.
Since I am waiting for the clothes to finish washing, I decide to check my email. since I’m on the computer anyway, I decide to balance my checkbook. While doing that I realize that I have forgotten to pay the power bill.....again.
I call the power company to make the payment and the lady tells me that it is a good thing that I called when I did because they had already dispatched a worker to disconnect the service. As much as I like my regular visits with Joe, I am glad that he won’t be visiting us today.
My kids come in the house to say that they are hungry. How can they be hungry? It is only 9:30.....oh wait.....it is actually 3:30. Who says kids need to eat three meals a day? They decide that they want macaroni and cheese. The only problem is that I can’t find my pots! I give up and just call a pizza instead.
When my husband comes home a couple hours later the house is still a mess, we have no garbage bags, the litter box is still dirty, I still don’t know where the broom is, the remote is still under the dresser, we have no groceries (which isn’t a problem since we have no pots either) and the clothes are still in the washer.
It was actually a pretty good day.
I decide to clean the litter box.
I can’t find the garbage bags.
I look for them under the bathroom cabinet (don’t ask) and find the blow dryer that I had been looking for for weeks. My husband must have been helping me to clean up.
Everyone knows that a hair dryer belongs on the floor under the night stand in my bedroom! So off to the bedroom I go to put my blow dryer back on the floor under the night stand where it is supposed to go. Yeah, I know, I should just leave it where it would go if we were a "normal" family, but it is just easier to continue my absurd system.
While I am down there I see the remote that I lost last week. I go to find the broom to dig out the remote and can’t find that either.
I decide that the broom is probably under the couch, (once again, don’t ask) After moving the couch, I don’t find the broom but I do find the dustpan. I go outside to ask my children if they have seen the broom. They say that they haven’t.
I saw the newspaper at the end of the driveway and decided to bring that in the house. Being Wednesday, the new grocery ads are in the paper. I sit down with my coupons and grocery ads to make my grocery list.
I go to get dressed to go out and realize that the clothes I want to wear are all in the washer....still.....since Monday I think....it could have been Sunday. So once again I start the washer. I think this is only the second time they have had to be washed, but then agin....it might be the third.
Since I am waiting for the clothes to finish washing, I decide to check my email. since I’m on the computer anyway, I decide to balance my checkbook. While doing that I realize that I have forgotten to pay the power bill.....again.
I call the power company to make the payment and the lady tells me that it is a good thing that I called when I did because they had already dispatched a worker to disconnect the service. As much as I like my regular visits with Joe, I am glad that he won’t be visiting us today.
My kids come in the house to say that they are hungry. How can they be hungry? It is only 9:30.....oh wait.....it is actually 3:30. Who says kids need to eat three meals a day? They decide that they want macaroni and cheese. The only problem is that I can’t find my pots! I give up and just call a pizza instead.
When my husband comes home a couple hours later the house is still a mess, we have no garbage bags, the litter box is still dirty, I still don’t know where the broom is, the remote is still under the dresser, we have no groceries (which isn’t a problem since we have no pots either) and the clothes are still in the washer.
It was actually a pretty good day.
I wish I could tell people about school
I wish that I could tell people that I am going back to school. Only my husband and kids know. It would be nice to have more support. I can't tell anyone though because I have quit so many things previously that no one would take me seriously.
I have Bipolar Disorder and ADD. Actual real diagnosed by a doctor ADD. I take enough medication for my bipolar to put an elephant to sleep every night. I am supposed to take Adderall every morning, but I tend to forget more than I remember. Now that I went back to school, my husband gives it to me every morning before he goes to work. That is helpful.
I have signed up to sell Avon, MaryKay, Tupperware, and I don't even remember what else. Each time I thought that it was going to be make us rich! Unfortunately, I am a crappy sales person and wanted to give everyone I know the same price I pay. Odd how that doesn't work? There were tons of other get rich quick schemes over the years, but my latest has been the best by far!
My most recent “brilliant” idea was that I was going to sell sex toys online. I was out of my damn mind. Literally. I figured that sex sells, so why not take advantage of it? I spent countless hours researching distributors and building a website. I got a business license and tax certificate. I opened a bank account. I even told all of our friends and RELATIVES about it and offered told them that they could have anything they wanted for my price. (seeing a theme here?) I even told my husband's GRANDMOTHER! I was thrilled when I got my first sale. $250! We were going to be rich! About a week later my very special just for the business phone rang. A customer! Woo Hoo! Unfortunately, it was a very angry pastor's wife on the phone and she had received a box with two very large vibrators inside. The appropriate thing to do here would have been to apologize profusely. I cracked up. Not just a little giggle. Nope. I had a full blown laugh until you cry moment. I wasn't laughing a week later when the bank took the money from my account without telling me first. Apparently the card which it was bought with was stolen. Joy. So now I had to pay for the products myself. That was the end of that venture. So we started off poorer than we were when we started. At least my husband and I had fun test driving the products we were going to sell! Strangely none of our friends or family took me up on the offer for discount sex toys.
I am textbook mania. It really stinks because even when I take my medications faithfully I still lapse into insanity occasionally. I keep waiting for the magic pill that is going to make me “normal” I think I just have to accept the fact that even with the best possible care I am never going to be what other people would consider “normal”
Maybe the fact that I am trying to keep the fact that I am going back to school a secret means that I'm not manic? Maybe it is a good sign. I hope that I can find some blog friends to be supportive since I can't tell people in the real world yet.
I have Bipolar Disorder and ADD. Actual real diagnosed by a doctor ADD. I take enough medication for my bipolar to put an elephant to sleep every night. I am supposed to take Adderall every morning, but I tend to forget more than I remember. Now that I went back to school, my husband gives it to me every morning before he goes to work. That is helpful.
I have signed up to sell Avon, MaryKay, Tupperware, and I don't even remember what else. Each time I thought that it was going to be make us rich! Unfortunately, I am a crappy sales person and wanted to give everyone I know the same price I pay. Odd how that doesn't work? There were tons of other get rich quick schemes over the years, but my latest has been the best by far!
My most recent “brilliant” idea was that I was going to sell sex toys online. I was out of my damn mind. Literally. I figured that sex sells, so why not take advantage of it? I spent countless hours researching distributors and building a website. I got a business license and tax certificate. I opened a bank account. I even told all of our friends and RELATIVES about it and offered told them that they could have anything they wanted for my price. (seeing a theme here?) I even told my husband's GRANDMOTHER! I was thrilled when I got my first sale. $250! We were going to be rich! About a week later my very special just for the business phone rang. A customer! Woo Hoo! Unfortunately, it was a very angry pastor's wife on the phone and she had received a box with two very large vibrators inside. The appropriate thing to do here would have been to apologize profusely. I cracked up. Not just a little giggle. Nope. I had a full blown laugh until you cry moment. I wasn't laughing a week later when the bank took the money from my account without telling me first. Apparently the card which it was bought with was stolen. Joy. So now I had to pay for the products myself. That was the end of that venture. So we started off poorer than we were when we started. At least my husband and I had fun test driving the products we were going to sell! Strangely none of our friends or family took me up on the offer for discount sex toys.
I am textbook mania. It really stinks because even when I take my medications faithfully I still lapse into insanity occasionally. I keep waiting for the magic pill that is going to make me “normal” I think I just have to accept the fact that even with the best possible care I am never going to be what other people would consider “normal”
Maybe the fact that I am trying to keep the fact that I am going back to school a secret means that I'm not manic? Maybe it is a good sign. I hope that I can find some blog friends to be supportive since I can't tell people in the real world yet.
Making Changes
I married my husband right after high school, had our daughter one month before my 20th birthday and our son 2 years later. I have been incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with my kids. I love my life. I love my husband more than you would think would be possible after 15 years together. My kids are the light of my life. I would not change a thing about my family. I feel like I have become "mom" and I'm not quite sure if "Kristy" is in there anymore. I'm ready to find her.
I decided to go back to school. In September I started taking classes. I'm not sure in what capacity yet, but I want to work with children on the Autism spectrum. My son has Aspergers Syndrome. Over the years I have learned an incredible amount about this illness. I have lived through the ups and the downs. I have fought with doctors, and therapists and the insurance companies. I have a perspective that therapists, without a child on the spectrum, could not possibly possess. I am not in any way saying that they are not good at their jobs or compassionate. It is hard watching other peoples children struggle, but it is excruciating to watch your own.
It is going to take me at least five years to complete my degree. I know that life will kick my ass MANY MANY times before I finish. I just have to keep going and not give up. Even if I only take one class at a time. My kids are 10 and 12. They will be all grown up and gone to college before I know it. Hopefully by that time I will be able to start working and actually make enough to cover my student loans and help with their tuition. We shall see.
I decided to go back to school. In September I started taking classes. I'm not sure in what capacity yet, but I want to work with children on the Autism spectrum. My son has Aspergers Syndrome. Over the years I have learned an incredible amount about this illness. I have lived through the ups and the downs. I have fought with doctors, and therapists and the insurance companies. I have a perspective that therapists, without a child on the spectrum, could not possibly possess. I am not in any way saying that they are not good at their jobs or compassionate. It is hard watching other peoples children struggle, but it is excruciating to watch your own.
It is going to take me at least five years to complete my degree. I know that life will kick my ass MANY MANY times before I finish. I just have to keep going and not give up. Even if I only take one class at a time. My kids are 10 and 12. They will be all grown up and gone to college before I know it. Hopefully by that time I will be able to start working and actually make enough to cover my student loans and help with their tuition. We shall see.
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